One of the most difficult things to do as an older lesbian is coming out to your kids. There really is no formula to make this as painless as possible but there are some things you can do to make it easier on yourself and your children.
Be comfortable with your sexuality: Be certain that you are comfortable with being a lesbian. There really is no point in trying to come out to your kids if you yourself are not at all sure about what being a lesbian means for you. You have got to remember that this coming out process is really about YOU and not the kids. If you are not at ease with your sexuality, you will run into a sticky spot when they ask you questions. And you can be certain that they will have a lot of questions to ask.
Be clear in your mind why you want to tell your kids about your sexuality: There are all sorts of reasons to want to come out to your kids. Maybe because you do not want to lie to them anymore, or you have met a significant person who you want to bring into your life and therefore theirs. Whatever your reason you need to be clear about it and keep it in mind for the possibly rough days ahead
Timing is everything: Don’t do it when there are other big issues to deal with or when they have some big news of their own. You need to choose your timing appropriately
No distractions: Again when you are telling your kids something as momentous as ‘mummy is a lesbian’, you need to choose a location where they and you will not be interrupted. A quiet room at home with the tv off and the telephone off the hook would be more appropriate than at a restaurant.
Make sure they understand what you are telling them: All too often you walk away from a heart to heart with your kids only to find they have totally misunderstood what you were sharing. When you come out to your kids as a lesbian, be sure that they understand what a lesbian is and how it will impact on them. Make clear this is not a phase you are going through or that you are being trendy
Be totally honest with them: The news you are about to give your kids is going to change things dramatically, no matter how delicately you put it to them. They will have a lot of questions, some of them difficult. You need to be prepared to answer their questions and answer them honestly.
Have no expectations. Your coming out as a lesbian to your kids is about you. But you would not be human if you did not play out scenarios of their responses out in your mind. The truth is your childrens’ response is almost always never what you expect. Have no expectations of their responses. Some kids will be supportive, lucky you, some angry and others indifferent. The indifferent response is always the hardest to deal with.
Finally you must let them know that you love them, no matter what and that you are here to listen if they want to talk