Divorce can be painful no matter what side of the equation you fall on. If you initiated the divorce you’re labeled the “bad guy” by a lot of people. This can be hard to receive this judgment from people who were not a part of the marriage. If you didn’t want the divorce, the pain comes from rejection, and shock to say the least. Eventually however, it’s time to pick up the pieces and move on with your life. While, I know that’s easier said than done it does have to happen. But how? If you’re in the midst of that pain right now, you may feel as if you don’t even know where to start. I’d like to suggest a good guidepost for knowing you’re heading in the right direction… Let’s look at some ways to get there:
You’re starting to feel more competent and less overwhelmed.
1. You’ve been able to surround yourself with good supports who encourage the new direction of your life. They no longer think of you as __________’s spouse. They like you for you and are there for you. These people reinforce who you are now and encourage you to keep striving to discover new things about yourself as a single adult.
2. You’ve also been able to accept that you can handle this single parent thing and are actually pretty decent with it. You’ve developed new ways to connect with your kids and feel competent handling the parenting challenges that come your way. This takes some time because your children are adjusting to this change as well. As time passes, you will start trusting your judgment more. This allows the kids to believe in you more as well and be more accepting and trusting of you and your abilities to be there for them.
3. Finally, you are able to recognize that you have your own unique qualities that make you special. You don’t have to have someone else to share the spotlight with. You are interesting enough by yourself. You need to invest time and energy into discovering who you are now. You might not have the energy to invest right now, but it is something that needs to happen as the pain diminishes.
So…now that you know a direction to take, what are you going to do with it? You can choose to be stuck in the pain forever or you can choose to move into your new life.