Couples usually come to me for help when their marriages are on the border of the cliff, after they believe every single resource has been used. When I ask couples about how they manage their communication, the response is in almost every case the same: we don’t anymore, or, we barely speak to each other.
Keep in mind that asking for the time, passing salt, pepper and sugar, newspaper, etc. is not communicating; it’s just social talk and feeling a blank space where before there was lots of couple’s content. Love will die or diminish to a very imperceptible level, if we do not enhance our communication skills; and we should purposely strengthen them up even before getting married.
Poor communication could harm a marriage more than what you can imagine and contributes to the phenomena of losing of love without even noticing. When I ask couples what is it that they need to be back to happily married again, many of them cannot see that as a possibility of happening. Our goal is then, restoring love again, and securing the couple’s confidence to glue their lives back together.
Do you remember how simple life was when you first were in love? The special way your spouse used to smile doing that funny thing with the lips that made him/her so special? Maybe today that very same thing makes you so angry, why?
A marriage is not a ME situation, it is an US situation. We are no longer alone, nevertheless, still independent. It is important to know what is triggering your emotions away from your spouse and what it takes to get you back together; work on emotions rather than solving problems, identify individual needs and search for a way to satisfy them, it is not time to find out who is guilty for this or that. It is time to make the first move towards solutions before it is really too late and more harm is done.
There are many useful tools that we have work through some time with, that can put to work for you if you have the desire to rescue your marriage, still, you have to take the first step and decide to go for it!!
Big problems do not necessarily need big solutions; most times could be just small positive actions one after another. Take small steps, they can make a GREAT difference