Single For Life Syndrome

It was my dad who told me that marking down the days on the calendar would only make the wait seem longer. “A watched pot never boils,” he would often say whenever he sees me impatiently counting the days until my birthday, or any occasion for that matter. I remember feeling exasperated and couldn’t help but wish that the days would roll on by.

Now, years later, I don’t have to look back on those days to remember how I felt. Despite my dad’s warnings, I can’t help but continue that habit of mine. Even now I can’t help but fell frustrated because with each bright red X that I write down; the day when I would finally meet the man of my dreams, only seems farther than before. I know I must sound like a complete idiot, but hey, even people who are in love are allowed to sound sappy every now and then, right?

But what brings me to this sudden drama, you ask. As my friend so eloquently put it, we were the founders of the “singles-for-life-club.” We were always the shoulder for the guys to cry on, and always the reliable source of tips on how to snag the girl of their dreams. Unfortunately, we were never the girls they wanted to snag. This was our gift. Our curse. For many years, this has been a source of irritation and misery for me. I would spend the nights wondering why out of all the guys I ever met, none of them worked out the way I hoped. Is it just me or do losers simply get all the luck? I was doing okay in other aspects of my life, but there were definitely some nights spent wallowing over a sappy, romantic movie or some stupid love song.

I was always questioning myself and always looking forward to the day that I would finally get to show up at a party with a guy in tow. My friends were awfully optimistic and kept saying, “This is it! I can feel it! This is your year!” I wanted to believe them, really, I did. But who can blame me for doubting them just a bit? I know they meant well, but did they really have to sound like ambitious mothers?

Now I am in my second year in college, and I know that this is where you’re expecting me to start gushing about how I’ve finally met my dream guy and that he’s everything I’ve ever hoped for. You’re probably expecting me to start raving about how I’ve never been this sappy my entire life and that there really is someone out there for everyone. This is not one of this I-got-a-boyfriend-so-you-can-too! Musing, which will probably only end up making someone bitter. Rather, this is a much needed reality check for those of you who are going through the same thing as I did. I’m hoping that like me, you would also realize that you do not have to be with someone to be happy. Don’t get me wrong, I mean I still have the occasional lonely nights, and I sometimes envy my friends for having someone to hold hands with. There are times when I still wish that everything could be different and that I, too, could join in on dating scene. But overall, I’m okay with how things are working out. I’ve learned to accept things just as they are.

I still whine about the third wheel or about not having a date on Valentine’s Day, but this is mainly because I get a kick out of seeing my friends’ amused expressions. Now, I only make fun of my friends by gagging noises whenever they start being mushy on the phone.

Unlike before, I no longer envy or resent them. I can’t say what it is that finally convinced me to think things through, but I have to say that I’m much happier now. And as cheesy as it may sound, I do believe that there is someone out there for everyone. I know that all these years of waiting will one day pay off. I’m holding on to the idea that at the end of all this, I’m in for a real treat. Who knows, maybe God will just give in and marry me off to Chad Michael Murray. But I mustn’t get my hopes up.

Meanwhile, I just have to settle for painstakingly marking down each day that passes. Not because I want to torture my self, but because I get a kick seeing that bright red X, and knowing that by building on the suspense, the end result would seem much sweeter.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *